he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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