I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
