I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
