just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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