I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
