you traded sex for a burrito?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
