I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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