some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
