guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
