You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
