also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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