please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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