I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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