Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
