Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
