I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
