Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
