I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
