Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
