I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
