i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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