If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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