VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
