and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
please come you make the beer taste better
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
