Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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