My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
my poor anus
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
