Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
