No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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