I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
