Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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