Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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