I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
