my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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