just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
