That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
