That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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