ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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