Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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