the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
