Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
