My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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