girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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