This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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