i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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