Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
