it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
