I molested 6 butterflies tonight
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
