She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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