Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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