i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
