Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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