Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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