Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
