my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
